“…you are my rainbow to keep. My eyes will always be watching you; never will I lose sight of you.”
― Vesna Bailey
Its been a horribly hectic 2 weeks!
My 10 yr old has finished her mid-term exams today and we are finally, FINALLY free of the stress that determinedly tags along with us every time an exam is in the horizon. Which is twice a year.
There was a moment where I thought she would have a nervous breakdown when I heard her weeping in the bath 3 days ago! The poor thing! Its a race against time for them just to get to the finish. The amount of revisions I’ve helped her through these 2 weeks is mind-boggling, not to mention the nerve-racking stress we’ve both endured! I already feel her childhood has been ruined by this constant pressure of having to excel and reach everyone’s expectations including mine. “When do I get time to do fun things??” she always asks.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I have resolved to never “get” her to study. But it seems to be ingrained in me to always put in a “study” word even during our normal conversations. And no matter how much I try not to, the “study” word just slips in unnoticed! And not before long we find ourselves in the middle of shouting matches resulting in her storming off with loud mutterings that ends with wishing she didn’t have me as her mum.
Which then inevitably, ALWAYS make me ponder, “Why can’t I just let her be. As her mum, I already know what works for her. So why do I always go and say the wrong thing!!”
And now that we’re done with the mid-terms, I have resolved to let her study when she wants to. I know that resolution might never come to pass, but I am still going to make every effort not to force. Yet Again.
So after work, when I see her this evening, I plan to spend it entirely with her. Go for a walk together. Just the two of us. We haven’t spent time alone with each other ever since her brother came along 2 yrs ago. I need to tell her how sorry I am for not easing her burden. For adding more to it. Let her know how amazing she is and how lucky I am to be her mum.
That should do for now, I hope.