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2015 has come and gone.

If I were to rewind and reminisce on how my year went, I would say I had a great year.

I can’t remember what my resolutions were, but it doesn’t matter any more. And honestly, if I can’t remember it, then maybe, it wasn’t worth thinking much about or fighting for.

But I have done things that I never thought about or planned – like starting this blog – my own little space in this big world. The thought came out of the blue. It seemed like a good idea. And it still is. I got to connect with most of you through your blogs, learn, understand, admire bits and pieces about your lives and take inspiration from it that I would never have thought possible before.

In retrospect, I can see how blessed I was in many areas of my life.

But, I can also see where some really serious changes need to be made.

I have always considered myself an extremely easy-going person. I could easily forgive and forget. I could love selflessly. I could sacrifice a little of myself. Never hold grudges.

But somewhere along the road, that changed. I changed. I am now less capable of forgiving. Of letting matters go. Even the petty ones. Things that I never bothered or cared for much about before have slowly started to manifest. I have become selfish. More angry. I have let a lot of negative feelings take birth. They’ve now taken up too much space in my heart that I no longer have enough space for love.

And I do not like what I have become. I have lost sight of the person that I once was. She is now a blur.

And I must get her back.

Just like there is a source for all things good and positive, there is a source for all things negative. When those sources mostly bring out the worst in me, then, I must not entertain them any further. Time to close the door on them. Firmly. I have learned some lessons and the valuable ones, I will hold close to my heart.

The quirkier me made 2 small hearts – one for home and one for work. At work, I have kept it right next to the message of the greatest love the world will ever know. Every time I see it, it will serve to remind me of my goal. Remind me that my every word and every act creates ripples that will keep coming back at me. My eyes are once again focused on the One who showed that act of love – the great I AM. He has yet to fail me. And I know that He never will. On the days when I find it difficult to speak or act out of kindness, I shall then, choose to be silent.

To quote a few verses from one of my favorite chapters of Paul in his letter to the Corinthians :

Clouds

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

A new year is here again with fresher beginnings and there will be plenty of opportunities to spread some love. Selflessly.

Hopefully, I will soon find myself and be the person I once was. I think she is far nicer and worth fighting for. Doesn’t matter if she was a weaker me. I now realize that when I am weak, then I am strong. Because His power is made perfect in my weakness.

And to all of you who are in search of yourselves, those hoping to achieve what you have set out to do, I wish you every success. May all your dreams come true.

Wishing you all a truly fulfilling New Year.

Be Blessed Always!

Bessie